Before Autism
I was very sensitive to pain. I had a high pain threshold but I felt pain easily. When I knew the pain would end, like when you get an injection, I could handle extreme amounts of pain. When I didn’t know when it would end, like with a toothache, I’d become the biggest wuss. All my nerve ends were finely tuned to scout out pain and scream the alarm any time anything came within nanometers of my skin.
After Autism
A couple of days after my autism assessment I had to have blood taken. As I sat that preparing for the experience as I always did I had the astonishing experience of no pain whatsoever. I felt the sensation of the needle moving below my skin but no pain, only a slight pressure. I was kind of in shock but since then I’ve had blood taken twice and had the same experience. I also have arthritis and I’ve noticed my experience to that has changed as well. I do feel pain but only when it’s really, really bad, mostly it’s just heat in the joint area.
What changed? At best guess, at some point in my childhood someone told me needles hurt and my literal brain just accepted that, that was universal. If other people experience pain from X experience, then I should as well. Pain sensitivity became a kind of mask, a simple, straight forward way for me to be considered ‘normal’ and one of the group. What I had no way of knowing was how much energy it would take to wear that particular mask. Experiencing pain is not like smiling when others are around, you can drop the smile and return to resting bitch face when alone. Pain on the other hand, is a 24 hour, 7 day potential. You never know when you might experience it so your nerve ends and part of your brain must be on eternal silent watch.
Last week I stood on a thin bit of metal with force and it punctured my foot. I was not aware it had happened until I took another step which put pressure on it. Later on, the area where it had entered my foot was throbbing. It was surprising how the initial puncture didn’t hurt at all but the pain after was intense.
One thing I experienced in the past was no matter how much pain I was in, if someone asked me how bad it was, the pain would almost disappear as if trying to make a liar out of me. I’ve never understood that. I haven’t had a chance to test this yet, it will be interesting to see if it’s the same now.