There is a saying, autistics don’t like being perceived. I don’t agree.
I don’t like being watched by people generally, stranger particularly. I don’t like being observed because I can’t tell what you are thinking. I trained myself to be really good at picking up on facial expressions and body language but as I settle into accepting I’m autistic, a lot of those things I trained myself to perform (aka masking), I’m letting go of, so no, I can’t always tell what you are thinking just by looking at your face. And because I can’t tell, I’m going to assume you are criticising me in my mind. Two reasons, 1. That has been my most common experience, being judged and criticised by others for anything/everything I do or say or don’t do or don’t say. 2. It’s just safer. I get to prepare myself for the criticism so if/when it comes I’m ready, if it doesn’t come I’m genuinely relieved.
There are times when I do want to be perceived and I think this is the nuance that gets lost when people talk about this. When I’m engaged in meaningful conversations with people or spending time with loved ones, I want them to perceive me. I want to be seen and heard, I want to be understood. I want the people I love most to know who I am, how I think, what can be reasonably accepted as my response in any given situation – because that level of knowing someone creates relationship shorthand. It’s the kind of ‘knowing without saying’ many neurotypical people have about expectations in society that slip past us.
I want to be perceived but only by those I want perceiving me.